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User talk:Tgp02
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Enter ye the Palace of Pain page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:26, August 4, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. | creepypasta.wikia.com | Underscorre talk - - | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 13:39, August 4, 2016 (UTC) RE: Deletion Hey Tgp02, First, this isn't why your poem was deleted, but please format poetry you post on the site using the tags. It preserves newlines as they appear in the source, so typing: em> Line 1 Line 2 em> will output the following: Line 1 Line 2 Anyway, onto why I deleted your story. For the first, third, and last stanzas, your poem followed an AABB rhyme scheme. However, in the second stanza, this rhyme scheme is dropped completely. The first, second, third, and fourth lines don't rhyme with anything, but then the fifth line (ending in "love") slant rhymes with "enough", the seventh rhymes with the ninth, the eighth doesn't rhyme with anything, neither does the tenth, then the eleventh and twelfth rhyme. It kinda seems like, in the second stanza, you gave up trying to follow a rhyme scheme, and just included rhymes wherever you could. This makes the whole thing read as being very awkward and jarring, especially when contrasted with the AABB rhyme scheme of the rest of the pasta. There are also a couple of lines in the other stanzas which jut out - stanza 1, lines 13, 22, 25, 26, 28, 30 & 34; stanza 4, lines 14, 15, 19 & 20. Around these points, you either break the rhyme scheme (switching to ABA or similar) or add in extra lines after couplets. There are a number of slant rhymes which make the poem sound as though you're trying to force a rhyme for the sake of it, as opposed to doing so for effect. For example, peril/''Herald'', love/''enough'', traversed/''curse'', yours/''worn'', reversed/''curse''. Maybe try rethinking the structure of the lines where that happens. The meter of the poem is pretty awkward at times. Try saying each stanza out loud, listen to the rhythm. For example, here: : :Next is the Deceiver, :Living within the catacombs :Where the ghouls and rotting zombies roam :Dressed up as your biggest desire, :Whether treasure or love :He shall lure you in as you have have enough : Listen to how that sounds - it's all over the place. Remember that poetry is meant to be read out loud, try to keep the amount of syllables per line somewhat consistent, unless you need to change it for effect. This is a minor complaint, and wouldn't on its own make your poem worthy of deletion, but poems generally have more subtlety than what yours exhibits. In Enter ye the Palace of Pain, everything's on the surface. You explicitly tell the reader every detail, as opposed to implying it or allowing them to come up with it themselves. There are also some story issues, and some minor grammar issues - there doesn't seem to be any tangible benefit to going into the "Palace of Pain", why would anyone ever want to go in there? I think the grammar stuff ("Five Monsters stalks (stalk) its halls", etc) is just an issue with proof-reading though, and can be easily fixed. I'd really recommend you take a look at our Writing Advice, especially this guide by ImGonnaBeThatGuy. Additionally, you may want to take your story to the Writer's Workshop for improvement, to try and fix these issues. I hope that clarifies my reasons for the deletion. | creepypasta.wikia.com | Underscorre talk - - | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 14:39, August 4, 2016 (UTC) Your Story You're story: Do you by any chance have a link to your Creepypasya on another site? I still want to narrate it but it has been deleted from here. Please answer me back. Lady-warrior (talk) 18:36, August 23, 2016 (UTC)